The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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