I'm going to jail i love you
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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