Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
