i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
