Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He felt like a one man threesome
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
third nipple confirmed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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