this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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