you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
