so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
