Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
