I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
