oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
