The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
