can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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