Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
