Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
