my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
