Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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