on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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