In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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