We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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