Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How naked do you want me to be?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
