sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
