i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
