whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
