Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
