I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
