...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
