Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's always time for handjobs
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
