the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
