So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
