So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
NoShamevember. You game?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
