his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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