How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
