I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
