last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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