foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
