i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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