So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
