i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
