Whod you bang
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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