Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
