Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
