too bad you live with your parents still
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
