We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
