In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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