Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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