So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
