Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
