He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
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