You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
They have beer where we have blood.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
